The person [strike]above[/strike] below me gets a useless superpower!

Yep. The stupid superpower thread.

The person below me has the power to lose points for every post he or she makes.

That's okay since admins can add and take away points at will.

The person below me has the power to be scum forever.

The person below me has the power to has the power to suck at mafia.

The person below me has the power to always die on the first night.

The person below me has the power to always walk into poles when they aren't paying attention.

I don't walk into poles so much as I walk up to them...

The person below me has the power to kill every thread he or she posts in.

The person below me can control the minds of paralyzed ants.

The person below me could talk to unicorns if they still existed.

I do!

The person below me can choose their role in mafia but then they always die the first night.

The person below me can tell when it's already raining.

The person below me can eat air heads really fast

The person below me can digest chewing gum.

The person below me can smell glue without getting a headache

The person below me can pee colors of the rainbow.

The person below me can play the kazoo underwater.

Sweet!

The person below me can choose what song to have stuck in the head of people around them.

The person below me can dip their hands in boiling water 3.5 seconds longer than anyone else.

Win ALL the contests!

The person below me can now read books backwards.

The person below me can control the minds of ladybugs.

The person below me can pour water out of a glass at twice the speed that it would usually pour

The person below me can break the internet at will.

The person below me can immediately be able to say words backwards after hearing them.

The person below me can perfectly write mirrored text.

The person below me can pee sideways.

The person below me can read "Green Eggs and Ham" twice as fast as a normal human being.