The Hard Life of Mr. Ant

But he was only parachuting down an inch.

Mr. Ant caught scarlet fever.

But scarlet fever does not actually (a)effect affect ants so he was fine.

Mr. Ant is found guilty of murder and sentenced to death by ant firing squad.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Affect is a verb. Effect is a noun. The more you know! -Parti)

Ants aren't large enough to pull triggers and they don't have opposable thumbs.

Mr. Ant looks at Medusa.

lol gotta make 'em in the same post.

But Medusa was wearing her new glasses, which counter the effect of her gaze.

Mr. Ant is hit by a car.

Car is really big so Mr. Ant just goes under it.

Mr. Ant jumped off a sixty foot building.

But Mr. Ant is so light that he reaches terminal velocity immediately and drifts down slowly for sixty feet where he gently lands into the pavement below like a little feather.

Mr. Ant was decimated by the Death Star.

But he was just acting in a Star Wars movie so he's fine.

Mr. Ant was launched into space with no astronaut suit.

But he was picked up at the last second by a ship travelling using an infinite improbability drive.

Mr. Ant is swallowed by an anteater.

But the anteater is a vegetarian and accidentally put Mr. Ant in its snout so it took him out just before eating him.

Mr. Ant had a heart attack.

But he took some more aspirin and was fine again.

Mr. Ant was bitten by a cobra.

But he was given anti-venom right away so he's a-okay.

Mr. Ant has AIDS.

TEACHING AIDS For his claSS, THAT IS, AND ALSO A BROKen caps lock BUTTon.

Mr. Ant's house fell down on him.

Luckily, ants can carry 50x their own weight, and the house was made out of a few leaves, so he easily picked it up off of himself.

Mr. Ant got Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis (look it up).

But Mr. Ant is not the type of ant who gets that disease so he was fine.

Mr Ant was stepped on by King Kong.

But it was a CGI King Kong so he didn't get hurt

Mr. Ant got washed away.

But he knew how to swim, so he swam to the nearest shore.

Mr. Ant was scared to death by the creepypasta about Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis.

but someone told him it was just a figure of speech so he was fine

Mr Ant committed suicide.

But he was reincarnated as Mr. Ant.

Mr. Ant swam with Piranhas.

but they were vegetarian piranhas.

Mr. Ant was hit by lightning.

but it bounced off his hard exoskeleton.

Mr. Ant was crushed by a falling piano

The ant was turned into A-Flat (get it ) pile of remains. Luckily, it was Mr. Ant's stunt double, and he was okay.

Mr. Ant got struck by lightning.

But it was cartoon Mr. Ant, so he only had black marks all over his body and was unhurt.

Mr. Ant was killed by SeAL team 6.

But it was actually Osama Bin Laden in a disguise.

Mr. Ant was smothered by a pillow.

But it wasn't really a pillow, but a fluffy ball of cotton candy of which Mr. Ant ate his way out of.



Mr. Ant is diagnosed with a disease that only gives him 1 more minute to live.